yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
