You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
