she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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