the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
