I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
