So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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