i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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