she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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