I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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