You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
