This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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