this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
