How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
