My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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