I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
