hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
