dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
