rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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