At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
