Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
