The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize