Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
