I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
