I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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