Did you just see the Batmobile???
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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