When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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