I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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