got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
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