had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
