This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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