Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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