i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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