I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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