Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
