ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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