Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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