is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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