Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
