Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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