the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
