On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
