and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry about my life...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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