i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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