My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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