Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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