no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
