saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
