Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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