soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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