she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
