Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
