im six kinds of drunk right now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He did a backflip because drugs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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