just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
