there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
