The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
