You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
