Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
