Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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