from now on my penis is your penis
im holly from the hills drunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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