I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
