they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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