She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
