Your dad touched me again.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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