I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me