There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.