coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.